Mother's Day....

Lately, life has been frustrating. Normally, I try to stay positive, but there are days when there are just too many reminders as to why I hate the situation I'm in. Today is one of those days.... Let me explain. 

Three years. It's been three years since my husband and I decided that we should start trying for a baby. He had just gotten hired right after graduating with his bachelor's degree, and we both realized we were in a situation where starting a family would be a great next step. Little did we know, our path to parenthood was going to be a long journey. A....long....journey. Yes, we've gone to see doctors. Yes, we have answers and that there is hope, but the steps we are taking are difficult and expensive. We'll get there, it's just taking a long time.

Today will be my fourth Mother's Day since we've decided to have a baby. The first one wasn't a big deal, we had just barely started trying. The thought that went through my mind was, Maybe next year. The second one, same thought and still hopeful Maybe next year. Last year, I know it was starting to hit me more but still, Maybe next year. This year was, We'll see....

This year was hard. I went to church. Heard talks about mothers and how their choice to be one makes them more Christlike. Sure I got the treats, and the well meaning, "Happy Mother's Day," greetings. I know most people think, Oh, just because she doesn't have children doesn't mean she has not been a loving, caring, mother-like figure to those she's taught. I used to think the same thing. I've come to strongly dislike that train of thought. After church I went online to wish my own mother a Happy Mother's Day (and yes, I did call her too). I read through the many messages that recognized moms. Then I came across a post of someone complaining how terrible their Mother's Day ended up being. *Sigh* I understand. Today was supposed to be a special day. You were supposed to enjoy it. I get it. At least you get one. But then later on she wrote another post about how it got worse. As a mother of small children, I can only imagine what kind of issues arose. But still, At least you had one! Even if this particular Mother's Day ended up horribly, at least you have the the chance to get a better one next year, and for years to come. At least you get a Mother's Day! 

I know I'm not being very positive. I know I'm being overly sensitive and am taking more offense to things than I should. Like I said, most days I try to think positively. Today was hard. Tomorrow, will be better, and I'll continue pushing through it. I've read somewhere that it's okay to feel this way. I'm not using it as a reason to be pessimistic. I'll continue to try and hope, but there are those days. Days when your sadness and anger get the better of you. It's normal, I hear. It's okay. And hopefully, one of these years, I'll be celebrating being a mother along with everyone else. We'll see.

Maybe next year.